"I hope you remember me.  We spoke a couple of months ago regarding my
situation.  I wanted to thank you for everything and let you know that I had
my baby girl on November 3.  She is beautiful, she is healthy and she is a
blessing.  You helped me through a very tough time and I was desperate.  The
scary thing is that I could have made a different choice had I spoken with
someone else.

I am sure God has a special place for you in heaven.  I say a prayer for you
every day.  Maybe someday we could meet in person.  I can't imagine my life
without my daughter!"

                                                     -Email received 7 months following a phone call to A.R.C.

My parents/husband/boyfriend will kill me if they/he find out.

Yes, your parents/husband/boyfriend may be upset and/or disappointed, but they/he will probably not kill you.

After the initial shock, parents of pregnant young women usually come to terms with the situation, later becoming an invaluable source of support. Usually we see that the grandparents-to-be are excited about the baby as the due date approaches. If you are afraid to tell your parents, a counselor from your local womens' resource center can work with you to determine the best way to break the news.

If you decide not to tell your parents, our experience has been that the parents usually find out anyway. In these situations, mothers especially are saddened that they weren't given the opportunity to support their daughter when she most needed it. 

90% of relationships (dating, engaged or married) usually fall apart within 5 years of an abortion, 70% within the first year (dating, engaged or married).  Don't choose abortion because "he" said to.

You don't understand. They'll kick me out of the house!

If your parents/boyfriend/husband really does kick you out, your womens' resource center can help you find another place to stay while you are expecting. Some centers have a registry of families who have volunteered to house pregnant women as needed. There are also many fully equipped maternity homes with women staying there who are in your same situation. The maternity home will assist you with prenatal care, parenting education, counseling, and many other needs you may have. Contact us for a referral to a home near you.

My parents are forcing me to have an abortion.

Legally, no one can force you to have an abortion. In fact, forcing a minor to have an abortion is child abuse. If you tell the doctor that someone else is forcing you into this decision, he or she will not perform the abortion.

My boyfriend will leave me if I have this baby.

Your boyfriend is just as responsible for the pregnancy as you are. It takes two to make a baby, so his responsibility does not end just because he doesn't want to deal with the situation anymore.  If he is going to leave you just because you want to give your unborn child a chance at life, it's questionable whether he loved you at all.  Make sure he is giving you respect as a woman who is rightfully concerned about the effects of abortion on herself and her child. You may be better off without someone like that in your life right now. Either way, he is still legally required to pay child support after the baby is born.

I'm so embarrassed! What will everyone think?

If you are unmarried, you may fear that others will judge you for having a child out of wedlock. But there are many single parents today, some divorced and some never married. Years ago this was a real concern, but today the stigma attached to single parenthood is far reduced. In fact, many metropolitan school districts include publicly funded high schools especially for pregnant and parenting students.

I've got my whole life ahead of me. A baby doesn't fit into my plans.

If you are ever planning on having children, one thing you will come to understand is that there is usually never an ideal time to have a baby. No matter when you decide to have a child there will be trade-offs and sacrifices to make. It's impossible to predict the future. Many couples wait a very long time to start their families, only to find later that their circumstances never became ideal.

I'm not ready to be a mother.

It is true that parenthood requires more responsibility than single life, but if you are pregnant you are already a mother. You are being responsible for the child inside of you by the way you treat your body now. The real question is, "How do I treat this child that I have already participated in creating?"

What's the big deal? It's not a baby yet.

Although the unborn child does not have legal rights under the law, the fetus is very alive. By the sixth week of pregnancy the heart has started beating. By eight weeks brain waves can be measured. By twelve weeks the child can and does cry, though silently. By sixteen weeks the baby's movements can be felt by the mother. Many women bond with their unborn children long before they are born and feel a great sense of loss after an abortion.

I don't want to end up poor and on welfare. I need to finish my education.

Having a baby does not have to mean that you will end up as a welfare mother, even if you are poor and single. Although it may be more difficult to continue your studies while you are caring for an infant, many women complete their educations and go on to have fulfilling and exciting careers even while doubling as mothers. Many find that having a child increases one's motivation to succeed. Our experience has been that a woman's motivation and self-esteem determine her ability to do well, not an unplanned pregnancy.

An abortion seems so much easier than pregnancy. I just want to get this over with.

The abortion procedure is quick, but the effects can last a lifetime. Abortion can leave you emotionally impacted for years. In our experience, common post-abortion symptoms include depression, nightmares, guilt, regret, avoidance of babies, and even self-destructive behaviors. The difficulties usually get worse over time and not better. Most dating relationships do not survive an abortion as the experience drives the couple further apart. Some women are physically damaged from the abortion, and a few are even left permanently infertile.  We have spoken to women who have almost bled to death after what was supposed to be a safe, simple procedure. If this is your first pregnancy, aborting can double your risk of developing breast cancer; multiple abortions can increase your risk of breast cancer three-fold.

I don't have any medical insurance.

It's not too late to get coverage for your prenatal care and delivery. Most college students are covered for pregnancy under their university health plans. If you are unemployed, a high-school student, or otherwise have little income, you will most likely qualify for Medi-Cal (California residents). If you make too much money for Medi-Cal, but not enough for private insurance, you may qualify for AIM -- a special state-subsidized plan for low-income women and children. You may even be able to obtain private insurance if you apply early in pregnancy. If you are not a U.S. citizen, there are still some public funds you may be able to access. Please call your local womens' resource center to discuss your funding options.

I can't afford a baby.

Babies can cost as much as parents are willing to spend. Much of our society focuses on having numerous possessions for ourselves and children, but material things do not create a loving family. After you look back on your life, those things which you value the most will not be the possessions you spent a lot of money on, but rather your children and relationships. It's more important to invest in the new life inside you than all the things you think you and your baby will need.

Having a baby will increase your budget, however, regardless of how thrifty you are. For this reason, most womens' resource centers offer maternity clothes, baby clothes, and baby equipment to any woman who needs it at no charge. Programs like WIC help women and their children obtain healthy foods at no cost. Also, you can save a tremendous amount of money by purchasing baby furniture second hand. Relatives are often eager to buy infant clothes and other goods, especially if this is the first baby in the family for a long time.

The doctor said that there might be something wrong with the baby.

While most prenatal tests can reasonably predict a problem, they don't usually give insight as to the severity of the problem. The problem may be very minor. Sometimes such tests are wrong and the child is completely healthy. And even if the disorder is severe, the value of a human being is not dependent on the health or attractiveness of that individual. Handicapped children deserve a chance at life just as anyone else. A disabled child is still able to love and be loved, and to make a special contribution to your family. Depending on your outlook, this child can be a blessing to you and others. You will probably need support to continue your pregnancy under such circumstances. Call us for a referral to organizations made up of parents who have continued pregnancies under similar circumstances.

Nonetheless, if you feel unable to raise a child with special needs, there are adoption agencies which can place such children in loving homes. Call a pregnancy resource center near you to discuss your situation.

I just had a baby. I can't have another one right now.

If you have just recently given birth, it can be a tremendous shock to find that you are pregnant again. But having just been pregnant, you can understand more than anyone just how fantastic it is to have a small child developing and growing within you. You've experienced the miracle of life before; to extinguish this life now is hard to imagine. Two babies close together is a real challenge for even the most experienced mother, but in a few years you will find that the siblings are the best of friends. The children will entertain each other giving you more time later on. Having another baby will be invaluable to the child you have now and will soon be precious to you too.

Everyone around me thinks abortion is the best idea.

Although your friends, relatives, and partner may all feel abortion is the best choice, you are the only one who can make the final decision. You are ultimately responsible for your actions and will have to live with the consequences of your choice. An abortion is never easy to forget, just email one of our staff and hear their story of how their abortion affected the rest of their life. 

I wish I could have this baby, but I don't know where to go for help.

¹ Alan Guttmacher Institute 1994 study entitled: "Unintended Pregnancy in the United States." http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html

² This is based on a complication rate of 11% and assuming the yearly abortion rate is 1.3 million US women a year. Most abortion advocates claim the complication rate is only 1%, but this is inaccurate when the data is analyzed. According to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in the UK, the immediate physical complication rate from abortions is at least 11%, primarily infections that can lead to a host of other problems including pain and infertility. The UK statistics have been recently published in January of 2001. See: Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (UK). The care of women requesting induced abortion: 4. Information for women. 2000. You can quickly find the data at: www.rcog.org.uk/guidelines.asp?PageID=108&GuidelinesID=31. On the web page click on Induced Abortion—Care of Women.* This number is probaby greater because complications are underreported, but due to the magnitude of abortions in the US many women suffer.

³ These are included in the web site for n. 2, but for an extended list of research studies documenting these health risks and many others, please see Detrimental Effects of Abortion: An Annotated Bibliography With Commentary Ed. Thomas W. Strahan, published by Acorn Books, Springfield IL, © 2001.

⁴ Brind J, Chinchilli VM, Severs WB, Summy-Long J. Induced abortion as an independent risk factor for breast cancer: a comprehensive review and meta-analysis. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 1996 Oct; 50(5):481-496. *
It is important to note that abortion advocates completely deny these findings, this includes many researchers in the U.S. medical community. But a careful study of international literature indicates a strong correlation between abortion and breast cancer. Much like tobacco companies in the past have simply denied that cigarettes endanger the health of their customers, abortion advocates simply deny any research that indicates that abortion is harmful to women’s health and increases their risk for breast cancer.

⁵ Albrektsen G, Heuch I, Tretli S, Kvale G. Is the risk of cancer of the corpus uteri reduced by a recent pregnancy? A prospective study of 765,756 Norwegian women. International Journal of Cancer 1995 May 16;61(4):485-90, p.485.*

⁶ La Vecchia C, Negri E, Franceschi S, Parazzini F. Long-term impact of reproductive factors on cancer risk, International Journal of Cancer 1993 January 21;53(2):215-9, p. 217. *

Albrektsen G, Heuch I, Tretli S, Kvale G. Is the risk of cancer of the corpus uteri reduced by a recent pregnancy? A prospective study of 765,756 Norwegian women. International Journal of Cancer 1995 May 16;61(4):485-90, p.485.*

Kvale G, Heuch I. Is the incidence of colorectal cancer related to reproduction? A prospective study of 63,000 women. International Journal of Cancer 1991 February 1;47(3):390-5, p. 392.*

⁷ Frank P, McNamee R, Hannaford PC, Kay Cr, Hirsch S. The effect of induced abortion on subsequent fertility. British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 1993 June;100(6):575-80.*

Heisterberg L, Kringelbach M. Early complications after induced first-trimester abortion. Acta Obstetricia et Gynacologica Scandanavica 1987:66(3):201-4, p.204.*

⁸ Barrett JM, Boehm FH, Killam AP. Induced abortion: a risk factor for placenta previa. American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 1981 December 1;141(7):769-72.*

Rose GL, Chapman MG. Aetiological factors in placenta praevia—a case controlled study. British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 1986 June;93(6):586-8.*

Taylor VM, Kramer MD, Vaughan TL, Peacock S. Placenta previa in relation to induced and spontaneous abortion: a population-based study. Obstetrics and Gynecology 1993 July;82(10:88-91; p. 91.*

Michalas S, Minaretzis D, Tsionou C, Maos G, Kioses E, Aravantinos D. Pelvic surgery, reproductive factors and risk of ectopic pregnancy: A case controlled study. International Journal of Gynecology and Obstetrics 1992 June;38(2):101-5, pp.101, 103.*

Luke B. Every Pregnant Woman’s Guide to Preventing Premature Birth. 1995 [foreword by Emile Papiernik], New York: Times Books; p.32.*

⁹ Reardon, David C., Philip G. Ney, Fritz Scheuren, Jesse Cougle, Priscilla K. Coleman, and Thomas W. Strahen. Deaths Associated With Pregnancy Outcome: A Record Linkage Study of Low Income Women. Southern Medical Journal. Vol. 95. No.8. Aug 2002.
This statistic is important to note because many of these deaths are due to complications from the abortion and are documented as such. Thus, the presenting cause of death will be the complication, not the abortion that caused it.

¹⁰ Gissler M, Kauppila R, Merlainen J, Toukomaa H, Hemminki E, Pregnancy-associated deaths in Finland 1987-1994: register linkage study, British medical Journal 1996 December 7;313(7070):1431-4.*

¹¹ Goldner TE, Lawson HW, Xia Z, Atrash Hk. Surveillance for ectopic pregnancy—United States, 1970-1989. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, Centers for Disease Control Surveillance Summary 1993 December; 42((SS-6)):73-85.*

Council on Scientific Affairs AMA. Induced termination of pregnancy before and after Roe v Wade. Trends in the mortality and morbidity of women. Journal of the American Medical Association 1992 December 9;268(22):3231-9.*

¹² The Post Abortion Review, 2, (3): 4-8, Fall 1994, published by the Elliott Institute, PO Box 7348, Springfield, IL 62791-7348, additional material is posted at: www.afterabortion.org. It is important to note that many in the psychiatric community deny any serious emotional trauma after an abortion, but this has happened under similar circumstances before. It took years for the medical community to recognize Post Traumatic Stress in Vietnam veterans; ironically women who have undergone abortion often fit the profile of someone suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV (standard for diagnosis of psychiatric illness in the United States).

¹³ The Post Abortion Review, 2, (3): 4-8, Fall 1994, published by the Elliott Institute, Springfield, IL, www.afterabortion.org. See also Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion by Theresa Burke, Ph.D, Acorn Books, Springfield, IL, ©2002 for more information on the emotional and physical pain women go through after an abortion.

* Statistics and citations taken from a compilation of studies in: Women’s Health after Abortion: the Medical and Psychological Evidence by Elizabeth Ring-Cassidy and Ian Gentles. Published by the Toronto based de Veber Institute for Bioethics and Social Research 2002. Page 52 makes a very important note on this highly politicized issue: "There is a marked tendency in the North-American literature on abortion for researchers to minimize their own findings. Those interested in the subject are well advised to read the numerical data and compare them carefully with the abstract or conclusions, rather than relying on either the abstract or conclusions alone. Comparisons are also recommended with literature from European countries, particularly Great Britain and the Scandinavian countries, where population size and sophisticated medical linkage data bases make data collection more accurate and comprehensive."